i will blog . at 12 midnight . for everyone's sake . and to distract me from killing myself . today is the 31st ! 12:09 am . sigh . i feel like a really bad bad bad christian . i haven't been to church in like a month . and i pray like every 2-3 days . sometimes once a day . I FEEL REALLY BAD . like God's always there for you and then you can't even spare 5 mins of your day for Him . i even forced myself to sleep until 9.40 so i could pon church . waaaah .. then when i woke up i washed up and went with my dad to buy breakfast for my bro, justin vincent and myself at the macs at serene centre . then bring to the bowling alley at rtc . everyone [ my bro, justin, vincent and chiew pang ] bowled like crap ! hahaha . okay i'm in no position to talk cuz i bowl like crap too . just that it's all the time, not exceptionally . SOB ! okay whatever . i don't train 6 times a week - tries to comfort myself - haha . school's starting ! wtf is a portfolio ? DEAD . i nidda do my sbc portfolio, sch homework, tuition homework, read my lit book . weeeee . soo dead .

it's never going to end . i've fallen in too deep . so what do i do now . just watch ? there's nothing i CAN do right . i'll just wish for his happiness . sigh . i'm crying again !! zomfgwtfbbq . ahh ..

tomorrow my bro's having a new-year's party . he's coming . i can't face him . nope . i'll hide in my room . when they're counting down to the new year, i'm gonna pray and at least try to redeem myself by spending time with Him . it's the least He deserves .

i realised you can't always have the one you love . but then again at least you've got great friends always there to keep you up on your feet . thanks gi and clare [: you guys are the best .

merry christmas to everyone !
happy new year [:

michelle